Deep Down
by Brenda Rothert
I’m
falling.
Faster.
Further.
Deeper.
Sometimes you fall so hard you can’t get back up. My closest companions now are shame and loss. But a sliver of hope lies in the only person I have left in this world – the one who’s growing inside me.
Survival becomes living again because of my child, and the town where I begin anew. That’s where I meet the man who starts to melt the ice inside my heart.
As we get closer, reminders of my past become sharper. Clearer. To confront the pain, I have to discover what’s deep down inside me. Is there enough left there to become whole again, or am I too wounded to heal?
**Warning** This book has mature content that some readers may find troubling. It is intended for readers 18 and up.
Further.
Deeper.
Sometimes you fall so hard you can’t get back up. My closest companions now are shame and loss. But a sliver of hope lies in the only person I have left in this world – the one who’s growing inside me.
Survival becomes living again because of my child, and the town where I begin anew. That’s where I meet the man who starts to melt the ice inside my heart.
As we get closer, reminders of my past become sharper. Clearer. To confront the pain, I have to discover what’s deep down inside me. Is there enough left there to become whole again, or am I too wounded to heal?
**Warning** This book has mature content that some readers may find troubling. It is intended for readers 18 and up.
My 4.5 Star Review
What happens when your dreams are about to come true and
then in the blink of an eye, your world come crashing down around you?
Ivy had it all. Then she loses her mother a few months
before graduation high school. The day she finds out she has been accepted to
the college of her dreams is the day her life changes forever. The one person
who should have protected her, betrays her in an unimaginable way.
What happens when you can’t trust anyone? You withdrawal and
those whom you thought were your friends become your enemies. The only hope
that is left is the little life growing inside of her.
Ivy knows she will never be able to move on with all of the
painful reminders surrounding her. Her new goal in life is to survive.
She takes the little bit of money she has and some
belongings and decides to make a new life in a new place. A place far enough
away from the horrible memories.
After securing an apartment, Ivy heads into town looking for
a job and ends up at a popular local café, where she meets Margie. Margie and
her husband Gene own and run the café and happen to be in need of a
waitress. Ivy is grateful for the
opportunity and excited to have gotten the job. Things are slowly moving into
place for Ivy. She keeps busy working full time to make ends meet and of course
being the best mother she can be. Her two friends Margie and Gene have become
her extended family. She also befriends
her grumpiest customer Walter, they form a different and unexpected friendship.
She is comfortable talking to him and is able to be her old self before things
went bad. He encourages her to find her passion again. No matter how great, supportive and kind they
have been to her, she still harbors her secret, because her trust in people,
especially men, has been completely shattered.
When Reed Lockhart enters her life, she is stumped and
terrified. He brings out feelings that she hasn’t felt in a long time so she
does her best to keep him far far away.
Reed is fascinated by the new women in town. She is
beautiful and smart and wants nothing to do with him. He is determined to get
to know her and her son.
Slowly they get to know each other but the closer she finds
herself getting to Reed the more her past comes to light. Deep down, she
realizes that she will need to face her past in order to move on with her
future. A future she knows that could be filled with happiness, love and trust.
My heart absolutely broke for Ivy. I couldn’t imagine going
through what she went through. In reality people who unfortunately experience
this type of trauma may survive physically but mentally they suffer and
sometimes that suffering turns into drugs, severe depression and a road to
self-destruction.
This is a heartbreaking story of innocence lost, surviving,
the struggles and learning dealing with the past realizing it is okay to get
help but most of all, learning how to trust again.
I have been a big fan of Brenda’s writing since her Fire on
Ice series. She has the ability to take tough real life topics and turn them
into an emotionally beautiful story.
It happened without warning on a quiet, snowy January day. Or maybe there
had been signs that I’d ignored because they were too painful to acknowledge.
Either way, the course of my life was changed that day. After it was over I
just remember watching the snowflakes through my open bedroom window. Falling
silently from the sky, they were the closing curtain on eighteen years of
trusting that all people were inherently good. ----------------------- It was
the first day back from the winter break and I was wrapped up in the excitement
that filled the hallways of Lexington High School. There was an unspoken energy
circulating around those of us who were seniors. Home stretch, baby. The last
semester of high school is underway. Your future starts now. And, for me, this
new term couldn’t end soon enough. My mom’s death this past September had
plunged me into a deep sadness I still hadn’t fully emerged from. Over the
course of the past four months I’d gotten good at plastering on a phony smile
to let everyone know I’d moved on. Putting this school year behind me would be
more sweet than bitter. Sure, I had great friends I’d miss when I went off to
college in the fall. And dance team…for sure I would miss that. Most of all, I
would miss my boyfriend Levi, but somehow I knew that once high school was over
I really would be able to move on. A warm, familiar arm wrapping around my
waist from behind made me break out in a genuine grin. “How was your day,
baby?” Levi asked, pulling me against his side as we walked down the hall.
“Good. You?” He shrugged. “Everybody’s talking about graduation. It hasn’t
seemed close until now.” “Did you get those scholarship essays done?” “Yep.” He
pulled me a little closer, steering me away from a cluster of loud
underclassmen who were about to run me over. “Am I riding with you today? I can
catch a ride home with Sami if you’re lifting weights after school.” He leaned
down and kissed my temple. “The only weight I’m interested in right now is
yours on top of me.” I held back a smile. Our after school make out sessions
were one of Levi’s favorite things. But between the time off his parents and my
dad had taken off over the holiday break, we hadn’t gotten much time alone.
Excerpt #2 Today I’d eaten lunch in a closed bathroom stall at school to avoid
the stares. And instead I got to listen to Mandy Barton telling two other girls
that she’d slept with Levi last night to comfort him over what his slutty girlfriend
had done to him. They’d speculated about who the father of my child was,
eventually deciding on Mr. Schultz, a teacher and coach at my school whom I’d
never even spoken to. I was on the outskirts of our small city, walking past a
rusted, abandoned factory, when a car slowed to a stop nearby. I turned to see
a marked police car. A familiar sick taste rose in my throat. My dad was giving
me a puzzled glance from a rolled down window, his elbow resting on the door.
“Ivy, what are you doing out here? It’s the dead of winter and you’re miles
from home.” “What are you doing here? Are you following me?” My icy tone was
challenging. What was there to be afraid of now? He’d stolen the vulnerable,
trusting part of me. He’d shown me that there was no one in my life I could
count on. “I was on patrol and I saw you,” he said, glaring at me. “Get in the
car and I’ll drive you home. We need to talk.” “Talk? Is that code?” I spat out
bitterly. His face was a mix of contrition and anger. “Ivy. Let’s not do this.
Get in the car.” “No.” “What’s this I hear about you being pregnant? Is it
true?” A powerful wave of nausea swept through me. He didn’t deserve to know,
and he certainly didn’t deserve to ask me about it.
Brenda
Rothert lives in Central Illinois with her husband and three sons. She was a
daily print journalist for nine years, during which time she enjoyed writing a
wide range of stories. These
days Brenda writes New Adult Romance in the Contemporary and Dystopian genres.
She loves to hear from readers by email at bjrothert@sbcglobal.net.
